Depression is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. It was like I walk around with this blanket of sadness around me. This blanket took away every form of positive energy from me and I was just left with anxiety and depression.
I was not inspired to do anything at all; not even the thought of hanging out at my favorite spots was entertaining to me.
I did not care about school; my grades did not bother me one bit. Even comedy shows seemed just as funny as a history lesson to my ears. I had zero motivation to do stuff, even to clean my room.
How I coped from anxiety and depression
From my experience, when Depression sets in, you would not want to do any activity unless that activity is lying in bed all day.
As if Depression was not bad enough, Anxiety set in too. This Anxiety made me panic for no real reason. I always felt on edge.
My Depression made me just want to crawl under the covers and hide from the world, but at the same time, I was feeling too anxious to really forget about anything.
The combination of these made me want to go crazy because I will have to get up sluggishly while feeling really tired.
The fact that I was making myself do the things that I set out to do while I had no interest in them was just crazy.
My Depression got worse and I went back to creeping under the covers again because I could not handle it anymore.
I space out a lot when I try to watch a show on TV and I end up looking into space instead of the pictures on the screen.
Just as I think to myself that I can get used to this feeling I start feeling anxious again as my mind thinks about the deadlines that I have and the important things I have to do.
I begin to panic inside all over again as I know I can’t meet up with my deadlines no matter what I do now.
This makes me hate every part for me for laying around while I could have been getting things done and my Anxiety at this time would come around and keep saying stuff like “I am useless” or that I can’t do anything worthwhile.
These words would stick in my head for hours on end and break me.
The next thing I will do is to think about excuses that I can tell everyone; my friends, my parents, my mentor, my boss and my teachers on why I have been dull or unproductive and not being able to meet up with deadlines for tasks that would have been a breeze for me on a normal day.
The depressed side of me would want to talk about what I feel to them, just to get it out, but the side filled with the Anxiety would tell me everyone would think I am weak; that I am foolish for making up silly stories.
The combo of Anxiety and Depression pull you in different directions because you will be scared of messing things up, but at the same time, you cannot stop yourself from messing things up.
Before I could get out of this phase, I had to realize that there is actually no blanket of sadness around me, that everything is just in one corner in my head.
I slowly started working my way back towards living a normal life. I did small tasks like house chores, and I would look forward to the rewards I give myself after.
As I decided to reject thoughts that made me feel worthless, I gradually have begun to appreciate myself again, and this made me become better.
You can share your experiences below to inspire people who want to walk away from anxiety and depression.
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